Category: Writers Block
there's a contest to write a short story all in dialogue. No descriptions/narratives. I want good constructive critisism. Tell me what you think.
It’s Only a Little Fire
“I’m scared Nicole”
“Why?”
”Well, I went walking yesterday down that road behind your house; the one with all the woods and whatnot and…”
“And what? Kathy, get on with it. I’ve got work tomorrow.”
“Well, it was at the edge of dark you know and I’d just gotten to that little creek when I saw something in the trees.”
”A monster, right?”
“No it wasn’t a monster Nicole.”
“Kathy, look. I know you’re a little jumpy about this but you do remember what your shrink told you, don’t you?”
”Yeah yeah yeah. ‘Now Kathy, things may be a bit difficult for you so soon after your brother’s death. You may find yourself taking the most ordinary things way out of proportion. Just keep a cool head, alright?’”
“See there Kathy? You’re fine.”
“No I’m not damn it! Nicole, are you going to listen to me or not?”
“Go on then.”
“Like I said, I was by that creek and I saw this orange glow in the trees.”
“It’s called a Sunset Kathy, it happens every evening.”
“That’s what I thought at first but…”
“But what Kathy? It’s after midnight and I have to be in at eight in the morning.”
“I went to see what it was of course because smart one, it was in the east, not the west. I went around a tree and Nicole, there was this huge ball of fire and it was rolling. Oh God Nicole! And you know that Allen died in a fire or something I…”
“Again Kathy, you’re taking this way too seriously. It was a forest fire okay? I saw the fire department heading that way just a while ago. Allen died in a house fire, not in a forest fire. You’re fine.”
“Ok Nicole, but I’m going back there to check. I mean if the fire department has already been there, then…”
“Do what you want. I’m going home and to bed. I’ll see you later or something."
...
“Good afternoon Ms. Parks. Thank you for coming down so quickly.”
“You’re welcome Sheriff.”
“Now Ms. Parks, before we get into this, can I get you anything?”
”No sir and please, call me Nicole.”
“Alright then. So, Nicole. As you know, Kathy Dentzer was found dead at 6:42, Central Standard Time. Can you recall anything significant about your last contact with her? We found her body in a rather interesting state.”
“She… I…”
“Yes?”
“Kathy told me that she’d gone for a walk on a wooded road. We’d both traveled that road several times so I didn’t really think much of it. She told me she was scared and when I asked her about it, she said she’d seen some fire ball. Of course I didn’t believe her. It was a forest fire. After her brother’s death a few months ago, Kathy’s mental state wasn’t exactly stable. You’ve got all that information right?”
“Indeed I do. Please Nicole, go on.”
“Well, like I said, I brushed it off because hell, a rolling fire ball? I figured Kathy was just imagining it.”
“Nicole, have you ever heard the legend of the Pond Road?"
END
kala, it's real on the edge sort of stuff. is there another part?
I agree. For me, I like it right up to the end, but it leaves me hanging at the end.
well see that's the thing, I know it does and that's kind of the point. I guess i could put in the legend all in the sheriff's dialogue but... nah.
Umm Ok maybe not for the contelst but can you do it for US smile. I liked it and would like to read more.
I loved this you can feel the tension between the characters as if she is trying to keep Kathy on a tight lead..good job!
if you want the legend, talk to iternity and seef he'll e-mail it to you. I sent it to him and didn't save a copy lol. thanks for the replies yall
Hey I like it! But I wanna know what happens? It's just like you to leave us all hanging isn't it? Lol. Do tell us how you did in the contest? Now, I want more of Cala's writings!
What is this story about? I honestly didn't get it
well since it's all in dialogue, it may be a bit hard to follow. And Nallym, the stupid idiots haven't e-mailed me back yet! stupid asses. It's supposed to be a short story, the ending and what happened to the girl is implied I guess. I dunno, don't ask me, I just wrote the thing. lol